monkey debate (part II)

This week the Kansas State Board of Education is hosting debates on whether or not “intelligent design” theory should be taught alongside evolution in public schools. In protest, and perhaps a little out of shock that such debates are occurring 80 years post-Scopes, all self-respecting scientists are boycotting the debates. Although intelligent design-supporters have been very careful not to specify an alleged creative genius behind the Earth’s design, opponents argue that the existence of God is implied. Therefore, many who support evolution as the only valid theory of the Earth’s origin are angered by what they believe is an attempted moral hijacking of public education by religious conservatives. Scientists and evolution supporters are bristling at the fact that while their theory relies on years of research and numerous pieces of evidence, their opponents’ theory relies on the as yet unverifiable assumption that there is a God. Understandably, they are extremely resentful that the theory that many have worked so hard to establish could soon be sharing valuable tax-funded educational time with what basically adds up to a fairytale explanation.

But my dear frustrated brethren, while these are trying times, do not despair. Although evolution may soon have to share the spotlight with a creationist theory, prevailing scientific reason can still be protected from any religious imposition—and thanks to a loophole in intelligent design theory no less. Even though proponents of intelligent design correctly assume that their theory implies the existence of God, because they have neglected to specify the identity of the intelligent designer there is no need for science teachers to limit their response when answering students’ questions about the alleged creator’s identity. When a young person demands what creative force is behind Earth’s design the teacher may answer anything he chooses—in the spirit of rampant theorization, anything remotely plausible is fair game.

Teacher: …and although evolution has been the prevailing theory for decades, some people believe that the world was designed by an intelligent being.
Student: An intelligent being? Like who?
Teacher: Well, like aliens from a far-away universe. Or perhaps mischievous fairies. Like that impish Puck—he’s always causing trouble.
Student: Well who made the aliens and the fairies, then?
Teacher: Oh, that’s not covered in this class—you’ll learn that in college.

And thus, the integrity of the public education system’s scientific curriculum shall be preserved.