full moon of shame

I followed the restroom signs through the jungle of tables and hungry patrons. The two one-stall bathrooms were crammed in on either side of a short, narrow hallway in the butt of the restaurant. As I opened the door to the hallway, a young woman waiting in front of the women’s room moved over so that I could stand next to her. She explained that she’d already been waiting a while. Her wry smile and raised eyebrows suggested that we might be waiting a while longer. So I said that I would watch the door while she used the one-stall men’s room. She went in and I stood guard in front of the doorknob, even when the women’s room was vacated a mere ten seconds later. I had made a promise and I would wait my turn.

The door to the hallway opened and a mustachioed man poked his head in. I must have looked a little odd standing right in front of the closed men’s door, facing an open women’s room. I moved over several inches so that he could move into the hallway and I turned towards him to explain about the guarding and the waiting. But in that SPLIT SECOND he leaned forward, grabbed the men’s doorknob and pushed the door open. We both caught a glimpse of pale ass and toilet seat as the woman inside squealed “Oh wait” and I almost swallowed my tongue. He slammed the door shut and we were left standing extremely close to each other between the two restrooms.

I stood there for a few more seconds but then I started to panic. I really didn’t want to face the woman when she came out. I had totally let her down. I had seen her ass. HE had seen her ass. And now I was just standing here, humiliated and upset, waiting for her to come out. Would she glare at me? Curse at me? Punch me? What was I still guarding anyway? The entire world had already seen her ass. The jig was up. So I ducked into the women’s restroom, locked the door, and silently jumped up and down, squinting my eyes against the shame and slapping myself on the forehead. Coward, coward, coward. I heard her exit the men’s room and apologize to the man waiting outside, “Sorry, there was someone guarding the door for me.” I gritted my teeth and covered my eyes. ARGH. I counted to twenty. Then I crept back to my table to finish dessert, all the while fearing that she would pop around the corner and confront me about my shirked lookout duty. She never did.

How much damage has my karma suffered? When will this come back to bite me? What just payback is in store for me? Just to play it safe, I’m adopting a crippled orphan first thing tomorrow morning.