who you gonna call? Officer Nasty!!

People, join the FBI—your country needs you. Besides, there has never been a better time to join the Bureau. I’m not talking about stopping organized crime or hunting down serial rapists or uncovering terrorist plots either. I’m talkin’ porn.

Why has the FBI taken on pornography? Because it threatens your children and destroys your family, and that’s against the law. Well, sort of anyway. I mean, it’s not like minions of the Porn Empire are stealing your children and forcing them to perform lewd acts on film. Because this isn’t about child pornography, it’s about perversion. You know, really really weird stuff like urination, defecation, S&M and woman-on-top. Sure, it’s between consenting adults, but it’s still porn! Sure, it’s legal, but someone really needs to keep these perversions in check—and who better to do this than the FBI? So really it’s more to do with protecting your fellow citizens from the moral subversion of the family.

Need more convincing? Check out the awesome uniform! It comes in Hunter Orange too. (HOT!).

So, join the FBI Porn Squad and defend America against moral corrosion, protect our children and families from imminent destruction and wear a cool uniform! Plus, chicks totally dig this stuff. Finally, a national security agenda we can all get behind!!!


But not in that way.