all i want is a decent pair of paaaants!

Michel de Montaigne “Of Cannibals,” 1580:

“When I asked the native, ‘What he gained from his superior position among his people?’ (for he was a captain, and our sailors called him a king), he said it was ‘to march foremost in war.’ How many men did he lead? He pointed to a piece of ground, to signify as many as that space could hold: it might be four or five thousand men. Did all his authority lapse with the war? He said ‘that this remained, that, when he visited the villages that were dependent on him, they made paths through their thickets, by which he might pass at his ease.’ All this does not sound too ill; but hold! they don’t wear trousers.”

A man just isn’t a man without his pants.