education is sexy: idealistic panties and other political lingerie

How stressed out is this guy right now? Like, soooo stressed out.

Like, ohmygod I didn't move my car and it's street
cleaning day stressed out.

No, more.

Like, ohmygod I can't remember my last period, who was that guy anyway? stressed out.

No, even more than that.

More like, ohmygod I totally invited the president of Iran to speak at my university and now an American fatwa has been issued against me and my children and my children's children stressed out.

Yeah, that's it.

The president of Columbia University, Mr. Lee Bollinger, invited Pres. Ahmadinejad to speak and answer questions at the university on Monday and it is as if the entire universe has imploded. There have been rallies and demonstrations all weekend (and tomorrow) denouncing the invitation and calling for everything ranging from a withdrawal of the invite (which is what happened last year) to an outcry for all New Yorkers to make Pres. A's visit as unpleasant as possible. I was a bit confused by the latter, since I kind of have a feeling that NYC is not considered the friendliest place on Earth anyway, and any further mistreatment by its residents only serves to confer a high title of extreme bad-assiveness to the target. Either way, it made me laugh. Thank you, random angry guy, you are an ironic genius and I love you.

For an enlightened liberal university, people sure have their idealistic panties in a bunch. Their reasoning: he's a jerk so we shouldn't listen to him. My reasoning: yeah he's a jerk, but he's also in charge of a country--a country we seem bent on invading before Jan'09. As one of my professors told me when he heard that I wanted to study in Iran: you better go while it's still there. I could tell that he thought he was hilarious, but was still kind of sad about it. How do you say 'fuck you and your tragically comic repartees' in Persian? I will have to ask my professor tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm all excited--like it's Christmas Eve or something. Except, instead of Santa there will be Ahmadinejad, and instead of reindeer there will be secret service agents, and instead of presents there will be massive protests. I would bring the traditional cookies to welcome the president, but it's Ramadan, so instead I'll have to settle for a glittery pink "I [heart] Ahmadinejad" poster. You know, to give the media spectacle some perspective. Maybe I'll even start a counter-rally. When he comes through the campus gates we'll scream as if the Beatles had just arrived and swoon at his hairy good looks. Maybe some hyper-excited co-eds will even throw their idealistic panties at him. We'll just have to remember to smile--gotta look good in those FBI file photos.