right almost part of the time

In this spirit of almost nearly viable accuracy, here are my predictions for 2007. (Please note that the underlined portions of my predictions are interchangeable with one or all of the following):

1. Britney Spears/ Paris Hilton/ Laura Bush will go anorexic, deny an obvious addiction to blow, and fall into the dark abyss of pantylessness.

2. The stock market/ your weight/ the value of morality will plummet/ explode/ remain disappointing.

3. George W. Bush will say something incredibly stupid at a press conference/ the United Nations Annual Potluck/ afternoon tea and will consequently make a lifelong enemy of North Dakota/ Turkmenistan / Concerned Women for America.

4. The Chicago Cubs/ Detroit Tigers/ Assumption College Greyhounds will win the World Series against the Yankees.

5. Simon Cowell will say unforgivably mean things to American Idol contestants/ finally succumb to his burning sexual attraction to Randy Jackson/ go anorexic, deny an obvious addiction to blow, and fall into the dark abyss of pantylessness.

6. Women’s pant sizes will shrink further leading to nationwide mall riots/ a massive increase in female suicide rates/ widespread pantlessness.

7. The US government will recall US troops/ chickpeas/ civil rights because of a contamination of 2008 election jitters/ e.coli/ evil.