the healing power of hate

Today Israel's Supreme Court ordered the government to recognize same-sex marriages performed abroad. This is significant because gay marriages are not performed by the rabbinate in Israel and although heterosexual civil marriages performed abroad are recognized by the government, up until this point homosexual ones were not. Now gay couples married abroad may gain the rights that their heterosexual counterparts already enjoy, such as tax breaks and the ability to adopt a child. Of course, not everyone is happy about it. Damning phrases such as "Sodom and Gomorrah" and "the destruction of the family unit" are blasting from the lips of ultra-Orthodox protesters. One lawmaker mentioned in the article has already proposed championing a bill to outlaw all homosexual marriages. Sound familiar, fellow Americans? Well don't worry, it's not all bad news:

Animosity toward gays and lesbians is one of the few issues that unites Jews, Muslims and Christians in the Holy Land. They have jointly come out against gay parades in the city and are all likely to oppose the Supreme Court ruling.

Fantastic! When was the last time the Jews, Muslims and Christians were on the same side of any fight? What we need is some more gays! We can pump them into Israel and Palestine where the quarreling religious masses will descend upon them with unmitigated furor to beat every delusion of equality from their human dignity. The gay marriage opposers will march door to door like Erin Brockovich (minus the sinful boobage) to gather petition signatures, Jerusalem's streets will echo with cries of you can't handle the truth!, and the dramatic struggle against the wanton destruction of society will culminate in a big heart-warming hug at the conclusion of a victorious court scene (although the emotion of this final tableau may be somewhat dampened by the ironic preponderance of same-sex hugging, as the alternative is forbidden/frowned upon by many of the ultra-conservative participants).

Proposed uniform for Gay Troopers

Mel Gibson, Woody Allen and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could jointly direct the feature film chronicling the groups' epic struggle and ensuing unification. It would make a great holiday release, don't you think--a wholesome, inspirational, family-friendly Christmas activity? Oh right, forgot about Chanukah. Okay, how about a week before Christmas, then? Oh yeah, when is Ramadan again? September?!

Damn it. Back to square one.