curious m's beach house of horror

Does anyone else watch Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe on the Discovery Channel? He travels around the country doing jobs that are completely disgusting. Every time I feel weighed down by my college loan debt, watching him wallow around in pig manure/vats of yeast/barrels of fishguts never fails to re-inspire me about my earning potential. It sounds kind of awful, and it is, but trust me--it's awesome (in a horrific, gag-tastic sort of way). I must admit that certain episodes have succeeded in turning my stomach a bit, but none have horrified me as much as the one I saw this weekend. In this episode, he traveled to the beach where he helped flood the sand beds with water in order to dig up geoducks (pronounced "gooey ducks"). It doesn't sound so bad, right? Fresh ocean air, digging in the sand, high pressure hoses. Yeah, that's what you think. But get a load of this:

That is a geoduck. When they first pulled one out of the sand I nearly screamed aloud. And no matter how much they insisted that a geoduck was a type of clam and was delicious when sauteed or served as sashimi, I just can't escape its obvious resemblance to a giant penis and ball sac. Never in my entire life of watching nature shows had I ever seen such a monstrosity. I thought for sure that it was a fake--that Mike Rowe had superglued clam shells to a bunch of rubber dildos and planted them in the sand. But the internet confirmed my worst fears: geoducks truly do exist and people really do eat them. UGH! Of course, I couldn't stop myself and further googling yielded more horror:

Oh God.


Oh God, make it stop!!


Oh sweet Je--actually, this is kind of funny for several reasons. Not the least of which is that everyone unfamiliar with geoducks can only assume that this poor fellow dressed up like a giant diseased (albeit tastefully bedazzled) penis.

Well, now that you're completely creeped out and possibly vomiting into your office trashcan, here are some antidotes for what ails ya:


Exibit A) A cute, curious pup seeking someone to feed her mini-quiches and free her from pink accessories.


Exhibit B) A real-life pirate vessel--a black Chrysler Sebring with a skull and crossbones car-freshener.


Exhibit C) A papa vampire pumpkin and son.

Happy Halloween.