pearls of advertisement wisdom

Now that we have cable again, I am once again being pelted by TV advertisements for everything from Ziploc bags to CoverGirl mascara to Republican Senators--and it's got me thinking about what makes an effective ad.

Most ads are out there for the sole purpose of creating brand name awareness since people are more likely to buy a brand they recognize versus one they don't. These commercials employ all sorts of tactics: feel good family shots, cute children with lisps, hilarious dancing fat guys, boobalicious babes, etc. The good ones catch your attention and make you laugh/cry, and some are extremely effective. For example, I have yet to see a Pepperidge Farm commercial that didn't make me want to run out and pick up a box of Goldfish Crackers and a cute singing kid. Target ads that showcase multiple brand items are also influential, as they remind me of all of the stuff that I forgot to get during my last trip through the store's overcrowded aisles: Right, toothpaste--we totally need that. Oh, and the batteries in the remote are dead. Damn, I forgot about toilet paper too! How much do we have left? Fuck! That reminds me we don't have any Kleenex either.

Big name companies spend big overhead bucks to make their ads super flashy and create more business for themselves. But is such extreme spending necessary to achieve the desired effect? I mean, I see a gazillion tampon commercials every day that feature women bouncing happily on trampolines/running through flowering meadows/dancing around ecstatically in their underwear, but it never galvanizes me into any sense of excitement at the prospect of buying tampons--and I never remember what brand which woman was bouncing/running/dancing around in appreciation for. They all just make me think the same thing: Oh yeah, tampons. As far as I'm concerned, the companies spending big bucks to put out competitive bids for my business are wasting their time and money. And this is on a sure-fire product! Like clockwork, every month millions of women run out and buy tampons (except for the ho-bags that get knocked up). That's an extremely consistent and reliable buying cycle--you'd think that Tampax and Playtex and Pepperidge Farm Tampons wouldn't have to throw so much ad money around to get the business they want. You wanna know who will win this advertising war? The first company that decides to take the simpler, more direct approach to advertising: the "Head-On approach."

Remember that commercial that was running in July/August of this year? You know, "Head-On, apply directly to the forehead! Head-On, apply directly to the forehead! Head-On, apply directly to the forehead!" That one. Yeah, you remember it. The commercial didn't even make the product's purpose clear and you remember the name of the product and how to use it. Now that's effective advertising. Tampon companies need to jump on that bandwagon. I might not remember which brand that fresh-faced teenager was smiling about in that one commercial, but I sure as hell would remember if it were advertised using the Head-On approach: "Nabisco Tampons, insert directly into the vagina! Nabisco Tampons, insert directly into the vagina! Nabisco Tampons, insert directly into the vagina!"

Try getting that out of your head while you're shopping for batteries at Target.