for next time, might i suggest some sort of peer editing process

People, it's happening--we're engaging Iran.


Well actually, I suppose it's not really an engagement. An engagement implies something official. This was more like a promise ring. You know, the kind of 'commitment' you make to someone just so she'll have sex with you already? Like that. Except right before foreplay you pop her in the nose.

Oh, Lee. I understand you were under an intense amount of pressure from all sides on this one. You were denounced on the Senate floor, your alumni were threatening to buy yachts instead of donating to the university, the media was up your ass the entire week, you probably had an attack of ideology the night before the event and went through a fitful speech revision at 4am ("You exhibit all the signs of a petty, cruel dictator"? That's fucking Shakespearean GOLD, baby!!). It was a tough break, kid--really. And I still want to think the best of you, even though you were pretty damn rude to your guest, President Ahmadinejad.

Don't get me wrong, it felt pretty fantastic. You did what everyone fantasizes of doing, sticking it to that thuggish asshole. (Who here has not stood in front of their bathroom mirror, pointedly tapping their toothbrush on the glass, admonishing their stately reflection for its heinous human rights abuses against the proud people from the cradle of civilization?) For a few shining moments you were our fucking hero.

But then it started to feel wrong. Like when the boys on the playground knock the fat kid over on the tarmac. Sure, it's hilarious at first but then your conscience starts poking at you, and you realize that no matter the slapstick value it's wrong to torture fat kids. Especially when you suspect they might be mildly retarded as well. And then you feel bad--guilty, queasy even--and you realize, it's just like the lesson you learned last summer: kicking puppies might feel good at the time, but it's wrong, so wrong. Especially if you do it on a global media stage.

Regardless, you made a good point--it's not really about free speech. Rather, we as Americans have the right to listen to anyone and anything we want to. And just to let you know, in case you need some cheering up, this one great argument was very nearly absorbed by the citizens of your academic nation:



Well, it's no sheep-herding trophy, but...that'll do, Lee. That'll do.