it’sth sthenior stheason! DUCK!

Today the White House, and Scott McClellan in particular, was subjected to intense criticism by the national press for not releasing the news that Vice President Dick Cheney shot a hunting companion in the face on a Texas ranch over the weekend. Instead, the only press release regarding this event was released to a local newspaper by the ranch owner herself, independent of the Bush Administration.

I must say, although I might be extremely critical of the Bush Administration in general, I can’t blame the White House for not releasing this news itself. Dodging backlash from releasing news of war casualties, controversial policies, failed amendments and natural disasters is one thing, but goddamned if it isn’t nearly impossible to spin the fact that a high state official shot an elderly man in the face in your favor. Not to mention that it was Dick Cheney whodunit. (It now seems that all of our worst fears have been confirmed—that man’s pure eeeee-vil!!) There’s just no way that McClellan and the White House can make this event seem any less horrible, incompetent or mockalicious than it really is.

That is, unless the American people hate millionaire lawyers from Texas more than expected. Or, better yet, if Harry Whittington is an Al-Qaeda operative. (In this case expect critics to denounce Cheney for not using ENOUGH force.)

Obviously, there’s more than one way to make a hero. Looks like McClellan is sleeping on the job. I guess watching figure-skating and eating bon-bons all day doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for creative thinking in the face of press-disasters.

They should fire him and hire me. I’ve been wanting to take a creative writing class anyway.