thoughts of shopping

The secret to renting from Blockbuster is to not frequent it very often. A long hiatus allows time for desirable movies to pile up on the shelves, creating the illusion of good selection.

God I hate Best Buy. I can never focus on any one thing without feeling woozy and the giant spots of colored linoleum in the corners of the store’s walkway overwhelm and disorient me. Everywhere you look there are over-priced television sets, computer systems, gadget phones and Gwen Stefani music videos, but the coolest thing by far was the seven foot tall sales rep in the kitchen appliance department.

I have forgiven In-n-Out Burger for its hamburger evangelism. But only because I like the fries.

I stepped in something at Target. It was squishy but not slippery. I scuffed it off my shoe onto the carpet in the underwear section. It looked like mashed bologna. I’ll bet it was dog barf from one of those annoying little yippy chihuahuas these Cali bitches are always toting around in their purses. I don’t think it was from a kid. They usually spray puke everywhere instead of leaving it in neat little piles.

Aron Ralston sure is a hard ass. But his book came out really fast. He must have had help typing it.