a beautiful day in memoryhood

This article got me thinking about He-Man and all of the other shows I wasn’t allowed to watch as a tender kindergartener. At the time my family belonged to an evangelical church that believed in banning all things magical and/or Communist, and instilling a healthy fear of hellfire in young, overactive imaginations for the good of their souls. As a result I was not allowed to watch He-Man, She-Ra, My Little Pony, The Smurfs, or The ThunderCats—basically, 90% of what I desperately wanted to watch. I was also limited to only one hour of television per day. This posed somewhat of a problem since I was obsessed with three TV shows: Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, and Batman.

Batman was my absolute favorite and since every other episode ended with a tune-in-next-time-same-bat-time-same-bat-channel cliffhanger with an image of Batman and Robin trapped in an ironclad room with a ticking time-bomb or dangling precariously over a vat of boiling acid, I simply couldn’t afford to miss it. Perhaps taking a cue from my favorite feline super-villain, I soon devised an ingenious way to watch all three shows every day. As in many Batman episodes, the scheme was deliciously simple—I just watched Sesame Street at my house and then walked across our adjoining back yards to my friend’s house to watch Mr. Rogers. I thought I was so incredibly clever. Such underhanded conniving was surely deserving of a sequined face mask and cat-ear headband. Alas, I’ve since discovered that my mother knew all along that I was sneaking out to disobey her, and simply let me go. Drat! Such overwhelming powers of perception have no place in the imaginary TV show of my romanticized childhood—fire her and eject her from the set immediately! Get her, boys!! Raaawrrr!

I’m still not sure if watching these shows led to or is a result of my lifelong obsession with Muppet-humor, kind old men, comic books-turned-action movies, and—let’s face it—Batman. (My patient love for the Caped Crusader has weathered painfully kitschy tributes by Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer and George Clooney and has finally been rewarded with an appropriately dark portrayal by my beloved Christian Bale, singing and dancing superstar of The Newsies.) Now that some of these older shows have been released on DVD, I’ve contemplated re-watching them. But I don’t think I will. I’ve moved onto another Wayne, re-watching Sesame Street would literally take another lifetime, and I can’t watch Mr. Rogers without sadly remembering that he’s since passed into the Land of Make-Believe. But it’s okay. These shows are probably best remembered in the glow of childhood, not scrutinized under the harsh light of adulthood. And the cartoons that were forbidden to me as a child hold little appeal now. They lack nostalgic relevance and I’ve outgrown disobeying my mother.

Besides, they’re probably complete crap anyway.


For some interesting results from Googling “He-Man” images click here and here. For unfortunate results click here and HERE.