oh good, now we can blame mother

New research suggests that mothers may be responsible for their sons’ homosexuality. The research shows that younger sons in a string of brothers are more likely to be gay, not because they are around so much manly influence, but because their mothers’ bodies may develop some sort of immunity to male children with each son’s pregnancy. This research raises a couple of interesting issues:

1. If gay men don’t have control over their male gaiety, if it’s part of their biological make-up, this might explain the high failure rate by those Christian homo-recovery centers to convert them to good ol’ red-white-and-blue-blooded heterosexuality. Also, along these lines, this makes homosexuality a pre-existing condition, so logically it can no longer impede gay rights as it takes the responsibility for male sexual orientation out of the realm of voluntary conduct. (No word yet on how the unnatural abomination of lesbianism comes about—but let’s hope it’s dad’s fault so things even out.)

2. A mother’s guilt at her son’s sexual orientation now seems somewhat legitimate. Although, since it is an involuntary influence, there’s really no need to dwell it. There’s plenty more to blame one’s mother for anyway. And although there may be some overlap on these issues, it is still okay to blame her for signing you up for ballet lessons.

3. If this research path develops into scientific fact, will prenatal therapies be developed to prevent/promote the gaytrification of one’s sons? What would parents’/government’s/society’s motivation be? Fear of hellfire? Population control? A larger consumer base for assless chaps?

4. And finally, it cheers me to no end to think that all of those procreation-crazy, gay-bashing religious zealots are just shooting themselves in the foot with their 15-kid families. Any bets on whether the prevention of homosexuality will beat out the perpetuation of world poverty, overpopulation and AIDS as the reason why the Catholic Church will finally endorse condoms? I know my money’s on irony.