Literally, “to make the curious talk”—the French’s notorious explain-all reason given to account for why things are the way they are, without really explaining anything. Often used as a snappish comeback to questions posed by inquisitive children who just won’t shut up. Generally emphasized with a shrug and at least one contemptuously raised eyebrow.

2.28.2006

'Jesus Christ on a cross'

This post is in honor of Sara Scalenghe, who surely died of a brain hemorrhage upon witnessing this scene in her hometown of Torino, Italy.


2006 Olympics, Closing Ceremony: Virginal sacrifices


Certainly she is now in a better place.

A place free of patriarchal traditions, where women don’t submit to marriage and white meringue is unfashionably repressive.

A place where nice asses are publicly rewarded with firm slaps of approval by complete strangers.

A place full of no-calorie pasta and cancer-free cigarettes.

A place where vibrators are handed out like free condoms at community clinics.

A place where short skirts and push-up bras are never needed for scholastic research and body-waxing is illegal.


May she rest in peace.

2.24.2006

Olympic gold

First: Kudos to Japan for the flawless execution of their first figure skating smack-down. As Japan’s first figure skater to win a gold medal, Shizuka Arakawa is sure to enjoy legendary status in her home country for years to come. You know, like Paul Bunyan. Not to be mean, or anything—but she just looks gi-GAN-tic. Or maybe it’s just Cohen’s elf-like stature that makes her seem like a football player in a tutu. Even my Japanese co-worker was impressed: “She’s so tall! With her long legs and her looong arms—but they look so feminine!!” Mmm-kay. This strange comment made me pause briefly to consider if all of the timid geisha propaganda had blinded us to the harsh reality that Japan is inhabited by hordes of hairy female behemoths that catch giant squid with their bare hands and devour their husbands after mating. Whatever. I’ll chalk that up as a ‘lost in translation’ moment and move on. Congraturation, Shizuka! May you always tower over your opponents. And crush and eat them. (You know, if that’s your thing over there.)

Second: PANTS! The Russian skater, Irina Slutskaya, wore a spandex pantsuit for her short program. Finally, the women’s movement has spread as far as the Olympics where up until now (perhaps in some misguided attempt at modesty) it has been illegal for women to wear anything but tiny skirts made of tissue paper. Hot damn—what a victory for womenfolk everywhere! Not that we should replace those stylish two-inch puff-skirts with spandex pants. God forbid. That would just be slutty.

Irina Slutskaya, Russia

Third: Emily Hughes’ legs. They’re HUGE! She looks like she could launch into space! Or kick someone’s head off! Both are highly-intimidating competitive qualities. Those skinny skater bitches would be shaking in their boots if only Hughes looked more like Chyna and less like Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Fourth: Just because it’s extremely unfair to make fun of figure skaters for the faces that they make during competition doesn’t mean that we can’t. As long as we acknowledge the wickedness and injustice of our mockery before we point and laugh and crow about the announcers’ gushing compliments on the skaters’ beauty, style, grace and composure, we should be just fine karma-wise. With that said, here are some highlights—made possible by the magic of still photography:


Sasha Cohen, USA

Emily Hughes, USA

Shizuka Arakawa, Japan

Miki Ando, Japan




Zorgarth Zhu, Legion of the Undead

2.16.2006

the model of American Democracy

Leading by example.

2.13.2006

it’sth sthenior stheason! DUCK!


Today the White House, and Scott McClellan in particular, was subjected to intense criticism by the national press for not releasing the news that Vice President Dick Cheney shot a hunting companion in the face on a Texas ranch over the weekend. Instead, the only press release regarding this event was released to a local newspaper by the ranch owner herself, independent of the Bush Administration.

I must say, although I might be extremely critical of the Bush Administration in general, I can’t blame the White House for not releasing this news itself. Dodging backlash from releasing news of war casualties, controversial policies, failed amendments and natural disasters is one thing, but goddamned if it isn’t nearly impossible to spin the fact that a high state official shot an elderly man in the face in your favor. Not to mention that it was Dick Cheney whodunit. (It now seems that all of our worst fears have been confirmed—that man’s pure eeeee-vil!!) There’s just no way that McClellan and the White House can make this event seem any less horrible, incompetent or mockalicious than it really is.

That is, unless the American people hate millionaire lawyers from Texas more than expected. Or, better yet, if Harry Whittington is an Al-Qaeda operative. (In this case expect critics to denounce Cheney for not using ENOUGH force.)

Obviously, there’s more than one way to make a hero. Looks like McClellan is sleeping on the job. I guess watching figure-skating and eating bon-bons all day doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for creative thinking in the face of press-disasters.

They should fire him and hire me. I’ve been wanting to take a creative writing class anyway.

2.02.2006

response to Public Musings

(Here is my original comment on a Public Musings post. Below I respond to Public Musings' post about my commentary.)

Although I know that I’m being drawn into a cat-fight which will change neither of our minds, I feel the need to clarify what has certainly been misunderstood, if not misrepresented, regarding my previous statement.

First, the United States enjoyed democracy long before it allowed citizens to print blasphemy, minorities to own property, and women to vote or even wear pants in public institutions. I point out these universal traits not to confuse the issue but to focus on the fact that, evolutionarily speaking, the US is in no position to criticize developing democracies for the same mistakes in its own recent history. Yes, the denial of freedom and basic human rights is a serious problem in many countries and most of the Middle East, but we should recognize that these countries are at a point in their history, not their end result, just as we are. Evolutionary change is encouraged with constructive criticism, not outright condemnation and dismissal. And we should also keep in mind that although they may be similar, separate processes will most likely not yield the same species.

Second, the issue is not with the fact that refugee camps make for bad real estate but with the reasons why they exist and how this affects their inhabitants’ political outlook and course of action. Also, it is absurd to blame Arab nations for the existence of refugee camps and it is arrogantly absurd to suggest that the whole conflict between Israel and Palestine would disappear if only all of the Palestinians would just leave. Yes, the Palestinian struggle is hugely symbolic for the entire Middle East but that in itself does not negate any objection the Palestinians might have to living in refugee camps for 40 years.

Third, I have not made any judgments as to the ‘good or bad’ of a politically-empowered Hamas, nor have I made any claims regarding either Israel or Palestine’s trump over the other in “the right to exist” issue. As for their option of either “statehood” or “intifada,” let’s discuss why this over-simplification of the “right to exist” issue does not simplify the situation enough. I might use a close-to-home scenario involving post-Katrina New Orleans being overtaken by a foreign population that then segregates undesirable natives into camps or wards, but that involves African-Americans and I don’t want to confuse the issue any further than necessary. Instead I’ll use something simple.

Person A walks over to Person B’s house, enters and refuses to leave. Person B objects but Person A gains support from powerful neighbors that ignore the encroachment and support Person A, even after he has barricaded Person B in the pantry. Over the years, Person A brings over his family and they become established in the neighborhood. Meanwhile, Person B’s underdog struggle against Person A is romanticized, supported, criticized and inhibited by outsiders (ie. people not living in the pantry). Though a certain amount of exposure and discussion of his situation is appreciated, it fails to change Person B’s basic problem—that Person A is living in his home and, although he is still in the house, Person B is certainly not ‘at home’ and certainly not fond of living in the pantry. In the interest of peace, outsiders offer Person B the alternative of making the pantry his own official home, with access to the kitchen sink and guest bathroom. Although this option might offer better living conditions than the pantry, it does not satisfy Person B because he cannot ignore the inherent injustice of the alternative. Rather than take the deal, he instead becomes more hostile, violent and isolated towards Person A. Although this does not necessarily improve his situation, and may even worsen it, to him it is still a more acceptable option.

Arguments for either Israel’s “right to exist” or Palestine’s “right to return” miss the underlying problem—that there is no satisfactory solution for either party or the outsiders involved in the conflict. The eradication, eviction or continued segregation of the Palestinians is unjust and wrong. Sharing the land between the two states is an alternative but still unsatisfactory to both parties because each ‘home’ in Israel belongs to two peoples at the same time—the Palestinians who lived in it before the war and the Israelis that have inhabited it since. This problem defies the laws of peace. And at this point, even if these laws could be bent and Israel and Palestine agreed to peacefully co-exist, there are people—both inside and out—who have become so enraged by the attitudes, policies and countries that have allowed these circumstances to persist for 40 years that they will not settle for anything less than the whole house, even if it burns down the entire neighborhood. This is the conflict’s distinguishing characteristic. Unlike the repressive situations involving the Kurds, Shi’ites, Tibetans or African Christians, this conflict has affected so many people so deeply that none of its resolutions may ever result in peace.

In sum, Israel is a legitimate country begat by illegitimate means and Palestine is a legitimate nation illegitimately contained in limbo by its more powerful peers. I don’t agree with killing innocents, or supporting those who do, for whatever reason. It is wrong and unjustifiable. I’m just saying that considering the situation, I can’t really blame them.